So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
I finished a study at the end of last year called All Things New, by Kelly Minter. It’s a study on 2 Corinthians and it was not only educational but enlightening.
She explained that while we have no idea what or who was Paul’s thorn in the flesh, we do know why. Paul had a supernatural experience with the Lord (remember the road to Damascus) and in order to manage Paul’s sinful ego, he would need this thorn to keep him humble to accomplish God’s mission.
Paul prayed three times for the thorn to be removed, but God did not relieve him; He allowed the thorn to remain.
Flipping back to John 11, there’s a story of Jesus coming to the tomb of Lazarus where Jesus wept (John 11:35).
Upon seeing Jesus crying, some of the crowd cried out, “See how he loved Lazarus so!” While another group of people cried out, “He’s been saving all these other people, could he have not also saved this man?”
Group 1 focused on Jesus’s heart of compassion. Group 2 focused on what Jesus could have done but didn’t.
I think I’m most prone to being a member of Group 2. We have an almighty powerful Lord who spoke the universe into existence, pulled unlimited fish from a basket, made the lame walk, and gave sight to the blind. Certainly, He could see all of my pain and suffering and lift it with a snap of His fingers. So why wouldn’t He do that for me?!
Early last year, my shoulders started hurting. The left one more than the right. The more I tried to strengthen my rotator cuff muscles, the more sore my shoulder became.
This went on for about 6 months, each week growing in intensity. Sleeping proved difficult and I was finding that even sitting in a chair or on a couch was painful without constantly readjusting.
I began to seek medical help. After clear X-rays, I was given an injection and saw immediate relief the next day! I love science! And while the doctor told me I would experience 3-6 months of relief, it was only about 8 weeks before the pain returned.
From there, I sought the regular help of a recommended chiropractor who worked in tandem with my personal trainer with whom I routinely met with about twice a week.
I continued this for about 2-3 months. With no signs of improvement, the chiropractor sent me for an MRI of my neck to look for any disc issues. The hope was that it wasn’t actually my shoulders causing the pain but something more centralized allowing the doctor to adjust our program which would lead to better results. But the MRI came back normal.
I cried. After 10 months of discomfort, I was no closer to a resolution and my frustration was growing.
I use my arms a LOT. I dig in the gardens, regularly take care of all of our yard work, and I love to do home projects that include squeezing, lifting, cutting, and holding big pieces of wood in place. Having a shoulder with limited overhead range and practically no strength in any direction was severely limiting to my daily life and hobbies that bring me joy.
I saw a different orthopedic doctor and he ordered another MRI (this one of my shoulder). Despite my prayers for some sign of a diagnosis, the MRI came back completely normal.
Devastated would accurately describe my state of mind. Matthew 11:28 became very literal to me.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11: 28-30
Heavy laden? Check. In need of rest? Check. The Lord says, “Come to me…” <deep breath> “Okay…”
Acceptance was my next step. I had prayed, like Paul, for this pain to be removed, yet the pain remains. I had others pray, even anointing them with oil, yet the pain remains.
I suppose this is the point at which I employ the second half of Paul’s words:
My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.
If the Lord has chosen to keep the thorn in place, I then have to choose to live in the promises of this verse.
Instead of trying to figure it out, chasing doctor after doctor, perhaps I need to experience Christ’s sufficient grace and perfect power in the midst of it.
The thorn may not change, but my perspective MUST.
Paul’s perspective changed from that of pleading to gratitude when he realized his thorn was an avenue through which the Lord’s power could rest on him. Here’s what I concluded:
- I like do to things on my own.
- I like to do things my way.
- I do NOT get along with my husband when we work on a project together (we have very polar opposite ways of completing tasks).
- I often forego quality time with relationships when I’m tunnel-visioned in a project.
- I take great pride in completing projects by myself, often boasting about how I didn’t need any help.
Lord, work on my heart. Cause me to be more like You. Cause me to respect my husband even when I think his way is not as effective or efficient as mine. Cause me to be in the moment more, seeing, hearing, and feeling when You have Kingdom work for me to do rather that what I think I need to be doing. Cause me to be humble. Remove my pride.
All words I have prayed regularly.
Perhaps I’m standing in the door way of an answered prayer yet, I’m too focused on what God should do rather than what He is trying to do. If only I’d get out of His way.
Perhaps what I’m praying to be released from (pain and discomfort) is the very thing that will take me down the path to becoming more like Jesus. The very path that will teach me, finally, how to respect my husband when I feel very strongly that he’s wrong. The perfect way to teach me to stop getting distracted by tangibles that don’t matter by gifting to me time to be present for others. The exact thing I need to practice asking others for help and walking in humility.
What if my should pain, my thorn in the flesh, is a way for God to not only answer one of my prayers, but a whole slew of them!
What if it answers my prayers for respect, time, focus, and humility?
I once watched a sermon preached by Priscilla Shirer that blew my socks off. She spoke about not praying away hardships. Not praying away the very thing that will cause us to change for the better.
As a society today, we’re so quick to take a pill, have a surgery, or forcefully remove our hardships. What if this hardship is God trying to grow me?
So I sit here, with tension and tenderness in my shoulder, acknowledging there is nothing physically broken, torn or out of place, so I’m thanking God for planting a seed of perspective into my heart that I may begin to see this invisible pain as a source for His divine mercy.
I’ll continue to pray for relief (because persistent prayer matters) but until that relief comes, I’m focusing on it being the doorway through which I must travel to become a better person for those around me, for His glory, and because His power is greatest in my weakness.