Growing up, I never had a clique or a ride or die group. I played tennis so I had my tennis friends, then I had my lunch friends, then I had my weekend friends and sometimes these overlapped because I was playing tennis on the weekend!
I grew up in a single parent household until I was 11, then I went back and forth from one set of grandparents to another. While I was surrounded by love all the time, there was some inconsistency. As a result, I was a quiet kid and held most everything in.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned the power of vulnerability. No longer walking on eggshells as an adult, it turns out, I have a lot to say!
But I’ve still lacked in the everyday friend group. I have a best friend and I have good old friends, but we don’t get to see each other much.
In 2022, I felt like I had done almost all the 8-week Bible studies out there. I would join a Fall group and then a Spring group and at the same time, I would be working on one on my own study in my morning quiet time. Looking back, it was such a gift of God that I came to relationship with Christ at the beginning of 2019. My son was 2 1/2 and my daughter was 5 1/2. Not yet caught up in the chaos of sports nor did I have the free time to pick up any new or old hobbies. I simply lived from nap time to nap time.
But in 2022, I began yearning for more. Something more purposeful. Longer. Deeper. More structured. My only options seemed to be yet another Kelly Minter study (no shade on Kelly; her studies are some of my favorite!) or seminary and the thought of learning Hebrew while raising two small kids made me queasy.
I attended a retreat with a friend on Thursday, November 10th, 2022 and on that Saturday night, I walked in to a group of three ladies talking about a study they had taken in the past. One of the ladies was actively taking the class. I asked a couple questions and after a bit, I went back to my room and started Googling. I eventually found the the website but was quite confused on how to sign up, yet somehow I ended up either finding a contact form or I accidentally tried to log in. Either way, it triggered an email to the admin because the following Monday, I received an email and the jist was something like, “Hi there! Are you lost? How can I help?”
I joined the Thursday class on November 17th not knowing a single person. I’m so glad I took that step of faith and left all shame and embarrassment in the parking lot because little did I know, the next 2 1/2 years were going to be years of heavy refining and I was going to need the support, prayers, friendship, and listening ears of the women I met this mid November morning.
A couple years in, April 2024, one of my prayer leaders asked me to photograph her wedding (I used to be a wedding photographer before I had my second kiddo but I’ve since hung up the ol’ camera only taking it down to snap pictures of horses, cows, and wildflowers.)
My husband joined me for the wedding to be my muscle and carry my stuff. He was introduced to all the beautiful women that I had been so blessed with for the last 18 months. He looked at me and simply said, “I get it now.”
When have you ever been part of a 30+ person friendship group where there was zero gossip, snarky comments, empty gestures, or passifying niceties, and instead was filled with genuine and caring hugs, loving comments, and weekly if not daily words of encouragement? When have you ever experienced that with TWO women friends, much less an ENTIRE room full of them! And it didn’t stop with the 30 women I could see. As I would find out at the end of my three years, there were DOZENS more behind the scenes and facilitating other groups!
It’s like a scene from Heaven. I can’t describe the warmth and compassion these women exude.
I’m never leaving! I told them they can’t kick me out!
No, honestly. After you graduate, you can come back as a volunteer! I will do whatever these women tell me to because they are the kinds of women I want to grow up to be. I want to seek Jesus in EVERYTHING! I want my knee-jerk reactions to be grace and love. I want to hear an uncouth remark and not even recognize or understand it because my brain no longer operates in words of death or unsupport.
“Iron sharpens iron,
and one man sharpens another.“
Proverbs 27:17
We’ve all heard the phrase, “you’re the average of the 5 people you hang around the most.” Side note: I wonder if this includes your children?
What I can tell you is after 3 years, they have completely rubbed off on me and their average is really high! I can see it in myself. I can feel it in my Spirit. Sin within me is more obvious and more uncomfortable.
The clarity I have about how important community is so much clearer now. Over and over, the Bible tells us be generous with our time, to not neglect to meet with others, that in doing so we will spur one another on, we will be encouraged in our own walk, and God promises to be present where two or more gathered in His name.
When you’ve never had stable community, the presence of GOOD, GODLY community becomes like a light beaconing you to the other side. Like a moth to a flame. You can’t stay away.
Sure, I’ve had days when I really wanted to stay home, jump on the zoom call, or even miss the whole lesson. But despite what I feel like doing, I always committed to going anyway and not once did I ever regret it. In fact, Holy Spirit’s presence both in the room and within each of these women made me completely forget that earlier I didn’t even want to go!
Let that be a lesson for us all: Even when you don’t feel it, seek godly community. Go to church. Read the Bible.
We live in a feelings–centered culture. “Do what your heart feels.” “Do what makes you happy.” “Don’t feel in love anymore, get a divorce.”
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
Jeremiah 17:9
If you feel isolated or you’re hanging on to that “introvert” name badge or saying things like, “I’m not a people person,” “it’s too hard to make friends,” or “I’m happier being alone,” let me be the first to pull the wool off your eyes, stand in front of you and expose the truth! These are ALL lies and a sly way the enemy keeps you in chains. Introverts need community too. And perhaps, being introverted runs deeper than just a personality trait. Perhaps you can trace it back to generations before you. And that, my sweet beautiful friend, is how a generational curse works. And the only way it’s broken (aside from God’s mercy) is when someone stands up to it and declares, “Hell hath no claim over me! I will NOT live as a victim to this lie anymore!”
This is true for ALL lies we believe about ourselves. If what you believe about yourself isn’t something God would say to your face and it contradicts His word, it’s a lie. But every single one of us has the responsibility to choose to either succumb to the curse or to break the cycle.
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live,
Deuteronomy 30:19
So choose life. Choose community. Step up and step out. Jesus didn’t die for us so we could live half-hearted, one toe in the water kind of lives. Let’s live the ABUNDANT life! And let’s surround ourselves with other people who want to do the same.
If you’re interested in joining this community of women that have changed my course of life, send me an email to [email protected] and I will forward your information to their admin. It’s a very small organization, spread only by word of mouth, run entirely by alumni volunteers.
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